Plane Conversation: How to Tell if Someone is Lying, A Quick Lesson on the Under-Appreciated Value of Simple Listening…
What’s the best way to get information from another person? Ask them for it.
It’s amazing what people will tell you with just a little nudge or some subtle guidance.
In fact, people are so anxious to tell you what they know, sometimes to learn something interesting, all you need to do is listen.
I was on a flight from Chicago to Detroit a few nights ago, and was sitting next to two total strangers. I had the aisle seat as always, there was a guy next to me who was coming back from Vegas, and the fellow at the window was on his way to a company meeting.
I’m not much on plane conversation, and I’m not an eavesdropper; but I was a captive audience.
Trapped, right?
Where do you go for solitude on a commercial flight? The bathroom?
How long can you hold out in there before somebody beats on the door?
So I was forced to overhear these two talk.
You can learn a lot just by listening. And there’s duality in this: 1-The information itself, and 2-The way it’s related. The 2nd one will be invaluable to you, so always remember it: While most people get distracted by WHAT’s being said, you’ll learn much more from HOW it’s said.
The fellows I sat next to talked about a lot of stuff, but here’s the exchange that I thought might benefit you: They’d been talking back and forth with no hiccups, repeats, or hesitations, then the guy at the window asked the guy coming back from Vegas: “Did you win?” He immediately replied, ”What?”
So here’s my question for you: Do you think he won in Vegas?
My instant bet when I heard this was proven right in the next seconds. Without being asked again (which means he heard the question plainly) the guy said, “Everybody else won, I lost 500.”
“That’s not bad,” said the guy by the window.
“No, not bad… I was down a grand, but I won 500 of it back.”
So why did the gambler stumble on the question? 1-It was a sensitive subject. 2-He was considering how to answer it. 3-He was considering whether to tell the truth… or tell a lie.
When you know they heard your question, always notice when a person hesitates in giving you an answer. But be mindful of what you’ve questioned them about: Ask them what they had for lunch last Tuesday, and they’ll probably hesitate.
Ask them if they’ve lost money gambling in the last few days, and their hesitation won’t be justified.
Oh, and there’s another thing to consider: Was the gambler really telling the truth? Isn’t it possible he lost more, but understated his losses?
When a person lies to you, they often give up something damaging, which acts a pacifier. When we hear them admit something against their interests, they immediately appear credible for being truthful.
Their conscience is eased with the admission, and we feel we have the truth… when in fact, there may be more to know.
If you want to know how to tell if someone is lying, just listen up. They won’t tell you outright, but they’ll reveal it just the same.
The average person misses the subtle signs that give away deception, but the savvy conversationalist never does.
Enjoy…
-jef
Hey Jef, I am with you on the plane flights….sometimes there just isn’t anywhere to go, might as well have fun with it….
Like Mo said, “We’re trapped, like rats!”
Do learn/hear things on the plane that we wouldn’t otherwise subject ourselves to voluntarily. Sometimes their something learn, huh?
thanks Joe!