Coincidence is a funny thing… so strange I really don’t believe in it anymore. 

So it just happened to be that my travels landed me in St. Louis this week, on the very day that former Cardinal Mark McGwire finally admitted his steroid use… after years of dodging the subject.

Unlike most public figures under accusation, he never outright lied about his guilt.  But along with breaking Roger Maris’s season home run record, McGwire is also remembered for inartfully dodging questions about steroid use in his 2005 Congressional testimony.  You can see the video here.

Hey, it didn’t take Columbo to know that he was avoiding the truth.  It was easy to deduce by his “answers” that he had taken steroids.  Still, he accomplished his goal:  He didn’t admit the truth, and he didn’t lie… that’s the delicate art of deception. 

Celebrity scandal is a national sport, and Mark McGwire is just the latest rabbit in the snare.  We love this game because the kill is so slow and painful.  It’s the best drama on TV, and it goes like this: 

1-Allegation

2-Denial

3-Confession and Apology

The final stage of the process may be the most fascinating—and overlooked—part of the process.  Confessions and apologies always travel together, because one softens the other. 

So public apologies are always interesting… and always dubious.  How can we know if an apology is sincere, or just the next phase of manipulation from the person who tried to pull a smooth one to begin with? 

Whether it’s Mark, Tiger, John, or someone closer to you, there are a few things to consider that will help you determine whether the contrition you’re hearing is heartfelt:

1-Was it Voluntary?  Few apologies are truly voluntary.  They typically come at the end of the trail, when guilt is obvious and all avenues of escape have been exhausted.  Politicians and celebrities have little choice; scandal is a public feast, and hearing the apology is our desert.  When they’re caught, they have to apologize… it’s the final step in the sequence (see above).  

2-Does it Contain an Explanation?  Where does an explanation end, and an excuse begin?  Few people can admit their wrongs and simply say, ”I was wrong, I’m sorry”.  Though it may be very subtle, they typically follow their apology with explanations, which are really just rationalizations why their behavior was pretty reasonable after all. 

In this NYT article, McGwire is cited using several lines that demonstrate this common tactic:

“I seriously thought about retiring, but my dad talked me out of it.”  (If I’d quit when I wanted to, I wouldn’t have reached the point where I needed to use steroids)

“I used very, very low dosages.”  (Minimizing:  I did it, but not more than I had to)

“I didn’t use it for strength.  I used it to help me recover from injuries.”  (Unlike all the others, I used it for practical reasons)

Note:  This last point “I didn’t use it for strength” is McGwire’s way of subtly asserting that steroids didn’t play a factor in his taking the home run record from Maris.

The statement from Tiger Woods contained 5 paragraphs.  The first one admitted unspecified “transgressions”, and the next 4 paragraphs were aimed at criticizing public interest in his affairs, and came close to presenting himself as a victim.  It’s interesting that he closed with “I offer my profound apology”.  Though most casual readers would infer the meaning without Tiger having to say it, this is not “I’m sorry”.

3-Do They Want their Apologies Known?  When a person makes sure to tell of their charity or kindness, their true intentions have to be considered.  Similarly, when a person wants credit for a private apology, one has to consider what their true motivation was.

In the interview with Bob Costas, McGwire said that he had called Roger Maris’s widow.  “I think she was shocked that I called her,” McGwire said.  “I felt that I needed to do that. They’ve been great supporters of mine.   She was disappointed, and she has every right to be.  I couldn’t tell her how so sorry I was.”

There was no need to tell us of his apology to the Maris family other than to gain credit for it.  As an aside, it’s interesting that he said, “I couldn’t tell her how so sorry I was.”  If you want to know how to tell if someone is lying, or just being deceptive… listen.  People always convey more than they realize when they speak to you.   

4-Was the Person Caught?  Okay, this one’s the biggie:  Have you ever heard of a public figure (or anyone else) coming forward to apologize for something that hadn’t been discovered, or they hadn’t been caught at?  Why didn’t Mark McGwire, Tiger Woods, or John Edwards apologize long ago for whatever they’d done?  No one apologizes until they’re caught, proven “guilty”, and there’s no other way out (see #1 above). 

McGwire had 8 years since his retirement to admit steroid use, apologize to the public, and the Maris family.  So why did he wait until now?  The answer is never hard to find.  In this case, McGwire was recently named as the Cardinals new batting coach, and the steroid issue wouldn’t subside.  It had to be put to rest, once and for all. 

In his August, 2008 statement, John Edwards appeared to do a pretty good job at self-deprecation and admission, and fooled many into believing he was sincere.  The truth is, most of his “apology” was inferred by the reader, rather than spoken by Edwards.  While gullible readers of his statement swooned, he actually defended himself at the same time (see #2 above). 

In the first paragraph he claimed to have been “99% honest”. 

In the second paragraph he asserts that he’s not the father of the baby, but it’s since been revealed that at the time of this statement he had drafted close aid Andrew Young to claim fatherhood; Edwards recently admitted paternity… and gave another apology. 

In the third paragraph he actually writes that to say he’s sorry wouldn’t be adequate… and so he doesn’t say it.

Then he offers that you can beat him up… but wait, he’s already done that.  Like Woods’ statement and many others, this is a way to appear downtrodden and defeated in order to gain sympathy and ward off further criticism.

Ultimately, public apologies are meaningless.  The proof?  They always come when the person is caught (see #4).  The other reason they’re a waste?  In most cases, the public really isn’t entitled to one anyway.

________________________________________________________________________

Leave a comment with your thoughts, I’m interested in your take…

-jef 

Tags: apologies, Deception

This entry was posted on Friday, January 15th, 2010 at 10:19 pm and is filed under Deception. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.