Have you ever you ever trusted another person… and later wished you hadn’t?  

Welcome to the club.  Subterfuge is a sport, and you’re in the game—whether you know it or not.

Trusting others is necessary… and it’s also risky.  Trust another person, and you’re taking a chance, you become vulnerable.  Cynical, you think?  Put to words, reality sometimes sounds that way.  

Why do people violate our trust?  Well, the specific situations are infinite, of course, but those who betray us nearly always do it for one of these 3 reasons:

1-Carelessness — (e.g., repeating something you told them in confidence)

2-Self-interest — (for their selfish pleasure or gain, they do what they like—and it happens to be harmful to you)

3-Fraud and Subterfuge — (they intend to deceive you in order to get what they’re after)

None of these are much fun if you’re on the receiving end, but the last one—Fraud and subterfuge—is usually the most devious, the most damaging, and the one that involves the most intent and premeditation.

I read this NaplesNews article over the weekend about a South Florida couple who trusted an art dealer to the tune of $700,000… and later wished they hadn’t.  This story is a perfect example of how clever con artists manipulate the trust of others to get what they’re after:  Money. 

The good news:  These folks are rare. 

The bad news:  You’ll find their techniques being used in varying degrees by “ordinary” people that you run across every day.  In business dealings.  At the office.  Even socially, and in personal relationships.

The techniques are pretty simple, and believe it or not, they come naturally to many—no training required.  Have you ever known someone who seemed gifted with the ability to “get in” and then get what they want?  They had the ability to be convincing, disarming, and manipulative all at the same time?  Like Mr. Batson—if the accusations are true—they had the instincts to use one or more of these tools:

1-Incrementalism—When I worked undercover, I rarely bought dope from a person on first meeting them.  I talked.  I listened.  I sat around.  I drank a beer with them if they offered, I hung out, and then I left—just like anybody else they’d meet would.  And then I’d come back.  After several visits, they usually brought up the subject of drugs.  And with their invitation, I bought. 

As the allegations go, the art dealer Mr. Batson got to know the couple, socialized with them, started with low-dollar deals, and then incrementally increased them over time.  Those who move too quickly become obvious, and then suspect.  People who are masters at mind manipulation are masters at moving naturally, reasonably… and incrementally. 

2-Credible trappings—Serial killer Ted Bundy sometimes wore a leg cast or an arm sling, and would ask his targeted victims for help.  As a former chairman of the NASDAQ stock exchange, Bernie Madoff had obvious credibility with investors.  James Batson was a curator for a reputable artist and gallery… so he had the trappings of credibility in the art world.

Because we all tend to trust people until they give us reason to doubt them, if you meet someone who looks the part, speaks well, and seems knowlegeable, you tend to believe them, don’t you?  And the longer we associate with them, the more we tend to trust them.  If they’re really good (or we just aren’t on our toes), sometimes we can even fall into the trap of giving a person credit for Credible Trappings with nothing more to go on than what they tell us.

Most people are honest, but just keep in mind:  The people who are most successful at deception are the people who are most convincing in what they say.  

3-Third party endorsement—As an interrogator interviewing suspects, I regularly heard criminals make claims such as, ”You can ask anybody, they’ll tell you I’m not like that.” 

When they realize they have no legitimate credibility, manipulative people often find it any way they can.  Mr. Batson allegedly drew on the reputation of Sotheby’s to lend credibility to the works he “sold” the Smiths.  He even told them Tiger Woods was interested in one of the paintings—increasing its appeal and no doubt creating a sense of urgency in the Smiths’ decision to purchase it.  

4-Sympathy—Using an approach similar to Ted Bundy’s technique of feigning injury, Batson is said to have alleged he had cancer.  This not only created sympathy, but on a deeper level, it made Batson real.  The more detail a person gives, the more open they appear, the more we tend to open up to them… and trust them.

5-Greed—If another person can make us feel comfortable, we’ll trust them.  When we trust them, our defenses go to idle.  

And when greed comes into play, defenses always go down.  And it doesn’t have to be about money.  When something unreachable suddenly seems attainable, our judgment becomes blurred by the thought of getting our hands on it.  Greed is an emotion, and one that has the power to easily override logic. 

Are you a trusting person?  Do you trust easily… or are you a “hard sell”? 

How easily do you trust some you’ve just met?  Do you rely more on appearance… or words… or something else?

How do you decide who is safe to trust?  Maybe more to the point, do you trust yourself to make the right decisions?

Have thoughts or experiences to share?  Leave a comment…

-jef

Tags: confidence, Deception, fraud, Subterfuge, trust

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 8th, 2009 at 3:41 pm and is filed under Subterfuge. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.