Comments on: Signs of Lying—The Number One Mistake People Make When Asking a Question (Plus a Tip for Getting a Free Shot of Espresso)… http://www.deceptionsecrets.com/2009/08/02/signs-of-lying%e2%80%94the-number-one-mistake-people-make-when-asking-a-question-plus-a-tip-for-getting-a-free-shot-of-espresso/ Been lied to lately? Or could you tell--how to master deception, lying, and conversation... Sun, 05 Sep 2010 14:38:54 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: Jef http://www.deceptionsecrets.com/2009/08/02/signs-of-lying%e2%80%94the-number-one-mistake-people-make-when-asking-a-question-plus-a-tip-for-getting-a-free-shot-of-espresso/comment-page-1/#comment-181 Jef Tue, 04 Aug 2009 04:07:07 +0000 http://www.deceptionsecrets.com/?p=1265#comment-181 Why do we ask questions this way? Well, part of it's subconscious, we know the answer--or just suspect it--so we include it in the question... our thoughts coming out in our words (which people to do ALL the time, something that can work greatly to your benefit, and a lot of my techniques draw on this). The other part of it is that it's, for a lack of a better word... politeness. It tempers the sharpness of our question. It seems less abrupt to say, "Did you go to Rupert's house last night?" than to say, "Where did you go last night?". Another thing I teach, you'll notice, is that the best questions are lean and mean (being figurative here)--they get to the point with no filler. Less always equates to more when it comes to questions. You have to obligate them, even if it runs contrary to instinct. In this case, help them out, and well... you help them out... and get less back in return. An aside: In my example just above, an alternative to asking a question, it would be more powerful say, "Did you have fun at Rupert's house last night?" The caveat: ONLY to be used when you're SURE of the facts. But it cuts the deception down to about zero if you know what you're talking about. That's because everyone is deception from time time, but NO ONE wants to be caught at it. People generally own up to what can be proven or is already known. So you were a barista, cool! Glad my experience is confirmed by someone with experience on the other side! And a GREAT TIP about the smile. Gets you far. Think of the free drinks the demanding/rude/curt coffee mongers have missed out on. Good stuff, hope that answers for you... Sorry for the late reply, Amy, just in from CO tonight, little behind! -jef Why do we ask questions this way? Well, part of it’s subconscious, we know the answer–or just suspect it–so we include it in the question… our thoughts coming out in our words (which people to do ALL the time, something that can work greatly to your benefit, and a lot of my techniques draw on this).

The other part of it is that it’s, for a lack of a better word… politeness. It tempers the sharpness of our question. It seems less abrupt to say, “Did you go to Rupert’s house last night?” than to say, “Where did you go last night?”.

Another thing I teach, you’ll notice, is that the best questions are lean and mean (being figurative here)–they get to the point with no filler. Less always equates to more when it comes to questions. You have to obligate them, even if it runs contrary to instinct. In this case, help them out, and well… you help them out… and get less back in return.

An aside: In my example just above, an alternative to asking a question, it would be more powerful say, “Did you have fun at Rupert’s house last night?” The caveat: ONLY to be used when you’re SURE of the facts. But it cuts the deception down to about zero if you know what you’re talking about. That’s because everyone is deception from time time, but NO ONE wants to be caught at it. People generally own up to what can be proven or is already known.

So you were a barista, cool! Glad my experience is confirmed by someone with experience on the other side!

And a GREAT TIP about the smile. Gets you far. Think of the free drinks the demanding/rude/curt coffee mongers have missed out on.

Good stuff, hope that answers for you… Sorry for the late reply, Amy, just in from CO tonight, little behind!

-jef

]]> By: Amy Shropshire http://www.deceptionsecrets.com/2009/08/02/signs-of-lying%e2%80%94the-number-one-mistake-people-make-when-asking-a-question-plus-a-tip-for-getting-a-free-shot-of-espresso/comment-page-1/#comment-180 Amy Shropshire Mon, 03 Aug 2009 16:51:10 +0000 http://www.deceptionsecrets.com/?p=1265#comment-180 I've found myself on both ends of this scenario...I've asked questions where I gave the answer and then wondered if they were really telling the truth, and where I've been asked the question with the answer (and I hate to admit that I haven't always been truthful with my answer). As the people answering, I understand that we want to protect ourselves but I wonder why, as the asker, we do this? Do you have any thoughts on this? P.S. As a former Barista, I'll say your absolutely right about getting the extra shot free. But there's another tip - smile. We used to give the customers who were nice to us not only free shots, but oftentimes their entire drink free! I’ve found myself on both ends of this scenario…I’ve asked questions where I gave the answer and then wondered if they were really telling the truth, and where I’ve been asked the question with the answer (and I hate to admit that I haven’t always been truthful with my answer). As the people answering, I understand that we want to protect ourselves but I wonder why, as the asker, we do this? Do you have any thoughts on this?

P.S. As a former Barista, I’ll say your absolutely right about getting the extra shot free. But there’s another tip - smile. We used to give the customers who were nice to us not only free shots, but oftentimes their entire drink free!

]]> By: Jef http://www.deceptionsecrets.com/2009/08/02/signs-of-lying%e2%80%94the-number-one-mistake-people-make-when-asking-a-question-plus-a-tip-for-getting-a-free-shot-of-espresso/comment-page-1/#comment-179 Jef Sun, 02 Aug 2009 17:34:25 +0000 http://www.deceptionsecrets.com/?p=1265#comment-179 Yeah, a little extra octane is usually good for any of us... there is the risk of over-amping them, of course, got to know when to stop. Should it be done with full disclosure? Missy didn't know there were 4 shots in the drink until she read the post. Thanks A! Yeah, a little extra octane is usually good for any of us… there is the risk of over-amping them, of course, got to know when to stop.

Should it be done with full disclosure?

Missy didn’t know there were 4 shots in the drink until she read the post.

Thanks A!

]]> By: Anomoly http://www.deceptionsecrets.com/2009/08/02/signs-of-lying%e2%80%94the-number-one-mistake-people-make-when-asking-a-question-plus-a-tip-for-getting-a-free-shot-of-espresso/comment-page-1/#comment-178 Anomoly Sun, 02 Aug 2009 16:42:32 +0000 http://www.deceptionsecrets.com/?p=1265#comment-178 I don't drink coffee... but my girl might enjoy an extra shot or two ;) I don’t drink coffee… but my girl might enjoy an extra shot or two ;)

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