Read Body Language—But There’s Danger in the Myth…
Suppose you’re in a strange town and don’t know how to get where you’re going. If the guy at the gas station gives you bad directions, will you get where you want to be?
Maybe you will, but only if one of these two things happen: 1-You ask someone else, and they give you good directions, or 2-Through good fortune you just happen to stumble upon your destination.
Bad information equals bad results.
Until we get good information, or figure out the real deal on our own, we tend to act on the bad information.
The worst part? It can take a while to figure out we’ve been chasing the wrong rabbit.
There’s an article out this week from US News & World Report that purports to give us the “3 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying“. It touches on a couple of valuable points, but ultimately just supports the common belief (myth) that reading body language is the key to spotting deception.
You want the truth? It’s actually hidden—sometimes not too deeply—in the words people speak.
If you haven’t already, take a look at the article (it’s brief) then come back here and I’ll give you the real story on the methods suggested:
1-Establish a Baseline—This is always a good idea, but with words rather than body movements. Notice how the other person speaks—their cadence, rate, and speed of answering questions—on subjects of no consequence. Changes from this “baseline” when you get to critical subjects can alert you to deception.
“When people tell lies, they often feel some anxiety.” People feel anxiety in conversation all the time, and it doesn’t mean they’re lying. Some of the best liars I’ve met are cool as a cucumber when doing it.
The real deal: A deceptive person who believes you have little or no way of knowing the truth will show little anxiety. Why? Anxiety doesn’t come from telling a lie, but from the fear of being caught. Here’s a little secret most people don’t know: People don’t lie unless they believe they can get away with it. Result? High likelihood of success=low anxiety.
“We’re not looking to detect deception. We’re looking to detect discomfort.” Contrary to Joe Navarro’s advice, we are looking for deception. It’s true that deception can cause discomfort, but so do a lot of other things which have nothing to do with dishonesty.
A job interviewee experiences discomfort.
A person who arrives late for a meeting feels discomfort.
A guy with a coffee stain on his dress shirt feels discomfort, too.
2-Read Microexpressions—Reading body language can be valuable, but as you know, I’m just not a fan of it as a primary way of figuring out other people. That said, there are a few signs that I regard as very valuable, and I’ve included them cumulatively in Conquering Deception© and my Insider’s Report on Lying© (got an irresistable special for you at the bottom!).
Simply put: We don’t lie with our bodies, we lie with our words.
A person who’s watching for “microexpressions” that are admittedly “fleeting” is going to miss some very valuable information in the words the other person is speaking. When you’re analyzing another person’s veracity, your resources will be totally taxed. Use them wisely. Don’t focus on fleeting twitches, focus on the words. People will tell you everything, but you’ll need to listen well.
3-Pay Attention to Body Language—“When people lie, they often feel insecure”. This is false. People typically feel quite secure when telling a lie. That’s because people don’t generally choose to tell an outright lie unless they believe there’s a high likelihood of its success (sound familiar?).
If they believe you already know the truth, or are likely to discover it, they’ll either be truthful—or use a lesser form of deception that carries less risk than a lie. For instance…
1-They’ll tell you the truth while leaving out what they don’t want you to know (what they would otherwise lie about), or
2-The can avoid speaking about the subject.
In either case, they can deceive you… without telling a lie.
So back to my analogy about bad directions: When we’re conversing with others, we’re always in a “strange town” to some extent, aren’t we? You’re always trying to figure out where you’re going—and where the other person is taking you.
Hey, it’s important to get good directions, otherwise you’ll end up at the wrong place—or better said, with the wrong conclusion.
Beware: Even the “experts” can have you chasing the wrong rabbit.
Have you ever put faith in a myth?
Or bad advice?
Or just wrong directions?
How long did it take you to get back on track?
Tags: conquering deception, deception myths, reading body language, spotting deception
Jef, Enjoyed this post. I’ve read a lot about body language, maybe because there’s more out there on it, but just wondering why you don’t believe in it? Did you use it as a cop? Find it wasn’t useful? Or did you just go by what they were saying to determine if they were lying?
It’s not that I don’t believe Body Language has validity–some of it does. It’s just that it’s not the end-all that many experts would have you believe. They’re caught up in the myth themselves, the myth that watching a person’s movements is more revealing that what they say. Just isn’t the case.
There are a few VERY reliable pieces of body language and I made sure to include them in Conquering Deception and my Insiders Report. One of them: NOSE RUBS. Easy to learn, obvious to spot, and to use the IN vernacular of the day: SPOT ON.
Thanks Chad!
Hey, Chad, sorry I missed your last point. I did watch body language as an interrogator, but really I had to pick between watching–and listening. We only have so much hard drive for processing all this stuff. And I realized there was a lot more to learn from their words than their movements.
So I moved away from the body language (execept for some very specific pieces that I alluded to) and focused on the words. Big results.
Hope that helps Chad!
-jef
Would you believe that once upon a time i attempted do deceive an LAPD officer LOL. What was I thinking? He was nice enough to let me go.
Jeannie, cops don’t like to be lied to. They have huge egos & they just can’t take it. Just think what they’d have done to Rodney King if he’d told ‘em a lie…
I know…no excuse. It’s actually funny and embarrassing. He was a good cop and am thankful he helped me out (took pity actually). This was 10 yrs ago. Hey am a good citizen and I’m the first to call the cops in my neighborhood…
About body language, and words. Here’s my thoughts. What if a person is just unable to communicate well, or has the tendency to exaggerate because of that reason? I get misconstrued all the time, so I am being extra careful now of the words I use etc.
In getting the truth from others, I don’t want to rely on body language. A lot of times though, I focus on it. I think the problem is in my own communication skills. If I am unable to establish rapport and let the person reveal things to me, then naturally i rely on body language.
j
I know i’m way late on responding to this post, i just bought the book and am very excited to delve into it. I’ve read several books on body language and micro-expressions (that would still be considered body language right
having your explanations on this short article really opened my eyes up that we should ‘question everything’ (even if it comes from experts.
After your book do you have others that you would recommend on the subject? I’m now even more excited to get into your book. Thanks!
Anomoly
hey, no such thing as late here… and hopefully anybody new to my blog will go back through the posts and make comments as they like. I see ‘em all and I usually try to respond.
sounds like i’m down on body language i guess. it’s more that i know how powerful the spoken word is, that it’s EVERYWHERE, and that it reveals multitudes more than any form of body language. the term ‘body language’ is very marketable, fascinating, so mysterious… and there’s value in some of it. i’ve just always been very narrow (and simple) in what i choose to use of it.
i am down on a lot of the ‘experts’ out there, especially in the body language industry. a lot of them are just students/researchers of existng work, they study up on it, then write a book and/or speak on the subject… rather than having a skill and teaching it to others, they’re just pimping the craze. sitting knee to knee with a murder suspect, i wonder how these academians would fare… and whether they’d choose body language next time as their primary tool for the job.
if you’ve read several books on body language, you’ve probably got the jist of what’s out there… i really don’t have any favorites in that league, but if you want a fascinating book on what makes people tick (that’s what it’s really all about anyway, right?!), check out The 48 Laws of Power… (Greene and Elfers, I think?)
so i really appreciate your interest, and thanks for getting a copy of my book… pls let me know if you have any questions while/after reading it, I’ll be glad to answer anything for you.
thanks A, enjoy!
-jef
I must admit I’ve read books, sites, and e-books on body language, statement analysis, deception detection and micro-expressions. I started reading the body language books first but leaned towards what people say the more I became interested in it.
Why? Because I’m a rookie cop. And I agree with Jef, that you can only dedicate so much “hard drive” to reading body language while simultaneously trying to listen to their words.
Add to that fact that I’m constantly assessing where a suspect’s friends are around me, what he’s doing with his hands, if my weapon side is facing away from him,etc.
In field interviews you don’t always have time to establish a base line. Most people you come upon are already upset and their mind & mouth is moving 100 mph. That said, it’s so much easier for them to slip up and say something they probably shouldn’t have. Furthermore, I’m no Dr. Lightman (from the show “Lie to Me”)….I can’t point out every expression/body movement in such detail that it “scares” the suspect in to telling the truth. I CAN however, call them on the words they say. Those words are what will be seen as a confession, not their body language.
So I still love both and all aspects of detecting deception, both their words (written or spoken) and their body language. But I prefer to use the body language techniques to supplement detecting deception in the spoken/written word.
Thanks Jef!
hey Calvin, very interested in what you wrote here. It’s good to hear from someone who’s compared the merits of body language vs. words, and realizes the power of the spoken word… and that some select pieces of body language are worthwhile. No baselines in the field, great point. Being a cop is fast and furious training on all of this, some master it, others don’t even realize there’s something to master.
I really appreciate your inights Calvin, good stuff.
-jef