Getting uncommon results in any conversation comes down to this very simple point:  Overcoming distractions, and maintaining focus—on what’s being said and what we’ll say next.

We often miss the subtleties of what’s being said in conversation simply because we’re focusing on other things.  Irrelevant things. 

Like where we’re going to eat tonight.

Or we’re focusing on the person’s clothing. 

Or on what’s going on around us.

There’s an interesting story this week at the Daily Express that touches on this very powerful phenomenon of human nature, and it’s this:  When we’re not focused on what matters, by default, we’ll be focused on what does not matter.

The article cites a study by British psychologists that found women are more attracted to a man in a “fancy motor than in an old banger”.  Women paid more attention to a guy driving a Bentley, than the same man in a battered Ford Fiesta.  

Now, men have known this for years, no study needed.  The proof?  Why else is a red sports car the choice of fellows everywhere in the midst of a mid-life crisis?

But what about the preference of men?  The study found they don’t pay much heed to a woman’s “motor”, instead judging her appeal strictly on her looks.

So women are attracted to wealth, and men are attracted to hot chicks.  Sexist?  Maybe.  Surprising?  No.

But it does reinforce the point that while appearances count, they distract us from what really matters.  A man who drives a $90,000 car may turn out to be a “bum” anyway, and the prettiest lady at the intersection may not be all that attractive once he gets to know her.

Distraction is your enemy.  If you want to spot a lie, recognize deception, and know what another person is really saying to you, focus on the words.  

Theirs will reveal information they don’t even realize.

Yours will guide them where you need them to go.

Tags: conversation, distraction, focus

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 26th, 2009 at 6:12 pm and is filed under Deception. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.